


Yours, For Forever

by Gayest_Unicorn



Category: Desire & Decorum (Visual Novel)
Genre: Depression, Desire & Decorum, Drama, F/F, Forced Pregnancy, I wrote this while listening to DEH, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Lesbian Relationship, Past Rape/Non-con, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-21
Updated: 2020-08-11
Packaged: 2021-03-05 01:13:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,736
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25425952
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gayest_Unicorn/pseuds/Gayest_Unicorn
Summary: Clara just wanted her happy ending. She just wanted her Annabelle to hold her, to be her wife, to love her. Instead, she got a duke who couldn't keep his hands to himself, and the burden of hiding her pregnancy with his child.
Relationships: Annabelle Parsons/Biracial Main Character (Desire & Decorum), Annabelle Parsons/Main Character (Desire & Decorum)
Comments: 1
Kudos: 6





	1. Dust Yourself Off.

**Author's Note:**

> Shoot, someone's reading this? Okay, um, hi! I hope you enjoy this chapter, but be warned, it is sad. Clara is the MC's default name, and I'll be using it to refer to her, just so nobody gets confused! Anyhoo, we're starting off at Book One: Chapter 12, here we go!
> 
> Disclaimer: None of the characters and almost none of the dialogue belongs to me. Go say thanks to the geniuses over at PB.
> 
> Okay, noow we can go..

Clara wanted to go to her father's funeral. She just couldn't bring herself to. She'd been so sick over the last couple of days, curling up and hugging herself tightly appeared to be the only way to calm it. That, and the occasional nuzzle from Sunny, however, that really only calmed her down. She gazed out the window, waiting. For what? She didn't know. Just...waiting. Maybe for another tragedy to strike her. Perhaps her grandmother was next. All she knew was she was waiting. "Clara?" Briar's soft voice brought her back to the present. Briar sat down next to Clara, gently rubbing her arm. "Are you feeling any better?" She whispered, not wanting to upset her friend. It took her a moment, but Clara did respond. "No."

Briar sighed. "I can't imagine what you're going through...it must be hard....how are you feeling?" She had no idea what was going on with her. "...how you would expect." She turned over, away from Briar, only to be over come with nausea. She hugged herself, sore from all the vomiting she'd been doing. "What did you come in here for?" She sounded so hurt. So sad."To check on you, Clara. You've been so distant and sick ever since....I just wanted to make sure you were okay." Briar moved a stray hair out of Clara's face. It hurt to see her like this. What happened to the Clara who had such snarky come-backs for Countess Henrietta? Who loved to ride horses and explore the estate? She didn't expect her to maintain a smile this entire time but this seemed so...unlike her. "I'm fine."

"You don't look it." The dowager countess, her grandmother, strode in, wearing her mourning clothes. Briar quickly realized that she didn't need to be here. "I'll give you two a moment alone." She whispered, giving Clara's arm a gentle squeeze before scooping up Sunny and leaving through the servants exit. The dowager countess cleared her throat, getting Clara's attention. "It wouldn't be fitting of the heir of Edgewater to skip her father's funeral." The dowager countess sat on the edge of the bed. Clara got a little angered at that, but held her tongue. "Why don't you get up? Just sit through the service. You don't have to speak." Her efforts would be fruitless. Why she tried was beyond Clara's knowledge. "I am aware." Clara mumbled, closing her eyes. She just wanted to sleep, but knew that she would just be woken again by another person, likely scolding her. "I know you are ill, but he's your _father_ , Clara."  
  
  
Clara huffed. "I am aware..." She mumbled, tensing. "Lady Grandmother, please, leave me be." She knew she was going to be sick, she didn't want her Grandmother to see her get sick. However, she was insistent. "No. You are coming with me, Clara. I don't know why you're so sick, but you don't have a fever, so if you have a reason not to attend your father's funeral, spit it out." She snapped, standing up.

Clara did spit it out. By which I mean she began to gag. She sat up, grabbing a pail from her bedside, emptying the contents of her stomach into it. After earning a sigh of sympathy, at least that's what she hoped it was, from her grandmother, she put down the bucket, holding herself. She felt some what better after getting whatever it was out of her system, she wiped her mouth. "I'll.....I'll go." She wiped her eyes, then straightened up. "I'm ready." She stood, getting out of bed for the first time since her father had passed. She quickly put on an [outfit](https://vignette.wikia.nocookie.net/choices-stories-you-play/images/f/f4/D%26D_Mourning_Outfit.png/revision/latest?cb=20181016043420) Briar had left out for her, biting her lip. As tired and as weak as she was, she couldn't let **his** spawn get in the way of saying her final good bye to her father.  
  
After sliding into it, she looked to her Grandmother for approval. "You look beautiful." She nodded, then left the room. Clara followed suit, but was fidgeting with the middle section of her dress, sliding it up and down, trying to ruffle it a bit. She didn't want it to be obvious, then assumptions would be made. Hopefully, Annabelle would be there. She really needed some comfort from her. "Clara." She'd spaced out again. Her grandmother was waiting for her to get in the carriage. Clara nodded slightly before getting in and sitting, her grandmother closing the door.

It seemed she was riding alone.. at least she had time to think to herself for once. She rubbed her bump, which really wasn't too big, it could be confused for a little fat or her stomach being bloated, but she knew it was a baby. The baby forced on her what seemed like a while ago. But, it wasn't their fault. And she couldn't get rid of them. "I need you to be calm through the service, okay? I...I don't want it to make a scene...though, knowing your father, you might want to..." She sighed, relaxing into the cushions of the carriage, listening to the sounds around her. Birds chirping. Wind blowing. The sound of the horses hooves hitting bricks. The carriage's wheels squeaking as they rolled. It was nice to get out every now and then, rushing around in London wasn't always the nicest of ways to use her time. Clara folded her hands in her lap, opening her eyes. If she kept them closed too long, she'd probably fall asleep.

Soon enough, the chapel came into view. Clara hesitantly left the carriage, taking in the sight before getting a tap on the shoulder. "Lady Grandmother." She nodded. "Let's go." She walked in in front of Clara, who waited a couple of minutes before walking in behind her.


	2. Final Farewell.

Heads turned at the doors opening, the dowager countess ignored them. Clara did her best to do the same, but her eyes quickly welled with tears. This wasn't going to be easy. She found her way to the front pew, a couple of whispers and mumbles taking her...not by surprise, but she found them interesting. It was mostly gossip about her being a bastard and what not. Clara sat down, then let out a shaky sigh. "I can do this..." She didn't sound sure in herself at all, probably because she wasn't.

"Ahem..." Clara turned her attention towards the voice, which was Countess Henrietta herself. She wasn't in the mood to argue, so whatever it was she wanted, Clara was going to let her take. "...Countess Henrietta. Mr. Marlcaster." She nodded slightly as she acknowledged them, the sadness and anguish in her voice noticeable. "You're...we were going to sit there." Mr. Marlcaster's shy voice mumbled, not wanting to cause any big scene.

"This row is reserved for family only. The charity case section is behind us." Countess Henrietta spoke up, raising her voice a little louder than needed. Clara slowly rose. "My apologies." She gave her a small curtsy, earning a shocked look from her. She looked towards Mr. Marlcaster, who was cowering behind his mother, as usual. "How are you?" While Clara didn't get along at all with Countess Henrietta, she loved her step-brother. "I...I didn't realize how much he meant to me until..." His shoulders slumped as he turned his gaze downward. Tears were in his eyes, threatening to spill.

"God rest his soul." Clara then wandered to the other side of the church, then found another spot a couple of pews back. She put her head in her hands, wiping the tears away quickly. She wasn't going to cry, at least not yet. She was going to be strong...but it was hard to imagine doing so alone. "...I cannot bear this service alone..." She was going to say she couldn't bear it at all, but she owed it to her father to do so. Clara slowly lifted her head, eyes already red, and looked around. A couple of familiar faces came into view. She raised her hand and meekly waved her lover, Miss Annabelle Parsons, over to her. Annabelle quickly walked over, her face showing her sadness and sympathy towards Clara. "You father...he was a good man." She couldn't think of a lot of things to say at the moment, but knew her presence was already a comfort to the grieving girl. Clara sniffed, then wiped her eyes again. "Would you....would you please sit next to me during the service? I don't think I can make it through by myself..." Annabelle patted her shoulder, then tucked a hair behind her ear. "As if you even need to ask."

Annabelle took Clara's hand and gave it a quick squeeze before sitting down next to her. "You look more refined today than ever, Clara." She said, running her thumb over Clara's knuckles before frowning slightly and looking into her eyes. "What are you thinking about?" Clara wanted to dump everything that she'd been carrying on her own right there, and hope she would accept and believe everything. But this wasn't the time, nor place. "...I'm devastated..." It was all that could be expected. The poor girl had witnessed both of her parents die before her, it hurt all the more that they were only a couple months apart.

"It's a type of heart break I never thought I'd know..." Clara's voice wavered. "The hole in my heart mended by my father's presence...it's torn open once again..." She closed her eyes tightly, knowing that the tears gathering in her eyes would pour freely once she opened them. Annabelle squeezed her hand. "Oh, Clara...You are taking on the world..." Clara continued, opening up for the first time since he'd passed. "When I met Father, I felt as if the world had been lifted off my shoulders....but now...." Annabelle cut her off with a tight hug. A couple of tears escaped her eyes as she snapped them open, blushing slightly from the rapid movement and tight embrace. "Oh!" Annabelle slowly released Clara.

"That is one of many hugs to come your way. For every time you utter a sadness, I'll try to squeeze it out of you." Clara bit her lip to keep from smiling too wide. "Careful of your promises, you may be squeezing me all day." She whispered, dabbing at the corner of her eyes, feeling a little more light hearted. Annabelle smiled widely, squeezing her hand again. "If it gives you but one more smile, the whole day would be worth it." She relaxed her hold on her hand and then sighed, her smile fading quickly. "I'm here for you, Clara. If you need anything, let me know."

Clara wondered if she would stay there for her after she told her about the duke's taking advantage of her. "...Where would I be without you, Annabelle?" She whispered, sighing as well. She couldn't tell her here, it wasn't fitting at all. Annabelle sensed her hesitation and sadness, quickly wrapping her in another squeeze. "I don't know...but you'd probably have more room to breathe." Clara giggled, relaxing at her touch. This was the calmest she'd been in days. "And be poorer for it." She added as Annabelle released her from her loving grasp.

Bishop Monroe walked up to the podium and cleared his throat. "Earl Vincent of Edgewater was a man of God and of his people." Clara heard sniffles through out the crowd. The Bishop continued. "He used his livelihood and his goods to help the less fortunate when he could." Clara heard a scoff, followed by, "Sometimes a little too freely."

Clara got a little upset, tensing up. "I could say the same to her." She mumbled, beginning to bounce her leg. She only did that when she was nervous or upset. Right now, she was both. The Bishop ignored both of the women. "His lordship made this world a better place...And now he is resting in a better place of his own." Clara's eyes filled with tears again, glancing at Miss Parsons's as she tried to find an excuse for crying.

Annabelle, being the observant, wonderful person she was, noticed. "Clara, how can I help?" She whispered, squeezing her hand again. Clara bit her lip for a moment, wiping her eyes before the tears could start to fall. "I need to rest my head." She sighed, watching as Annabelle straightened up. Clara allowed her head to rest on her shoulder, Annabelle gently resting her head on Clara's. "Lean on me as much as you need today, and I will lean on you... So we can both stand strong today."

Clara began to trace circles on her hand, absentmindedly. "Before my father passed...I...I told him about my feelings for you." It had been one of those moments where she was actually happy. Then again, she was whenever she gushed about how amazing she thought Annabelle was.

Annabelle tensed, lifting her head and looking down at Clara. "Clara, you didn't....did he understand?" She whispered, her voice shaking in anticipation, just like her body. Clara chuckled, looking up at Annabelle. "Yes. And he gave his support." Annabelle's eyes welled up with tears. "Out of the darkness of this day, that will be my shining light."

The Bishop had been droning on for a while, deviating from his original script. He cleared his throat. "The earl will be sorely missed, by his community and his family... He leaves behind his doting wife, Countess Henrietta of Edgewater, a loyal stepson, Mr. Marlcaster, and... his daughter, Lady Clara of Edgewater." The Bishop nodded to Clara, who was fighting an onslaught of tears. "I invite you all to lay flowers on the casket, before we lay this man to rest and be with his God." Clara cleared her throat and slowly stood, inching out of the pew and grabbed a bouquet of flowers. Soon, she found herself next to place the flowers down.

Tears began to stream down her face as she set them on the casket with a shaking hand. "Father...give...give my best to Mama...." Her voice faltered. "You can finally be with her now...my heart will rest a little easier knowing that." She smiled through her tears, which turned into an uncontrollable flow. "You are my father..." She whispered, tracing the casket. "Forever and always..." Clara turned quickly, covering her face, ashamed. She told herself she wouldn't cry...this pregnancy was already getting the best of her... She left the chapel, the burning of feeling all eyes on her just adding onto the weight of sadness and despair that was on her shoulders.


	3. Chapter 3

Clara and the Dowager Countess stood in the stairwell together, surveying the gathering crowd of people. The Countess broke the silence. "You've done your father and our name proud today." She looked at Clara, who looked a bit pale. "I.." She sighed, her shoulders falling as she took a deep shuddering breath. "It wasn't easy." The Countess nodded slightly. "Yes, but you made it look easy. And that is all that matters." The Countess let out a weary sigh. "I must rest now. I can't take any more well-meaning condolences..." Clara nodded slightly, now noticeably shaking. "Sleep well, Lady Grandmother."

She curtsied to her grandmother before quickly rushing to the parlor, clasping a hand over her mouth, eyes darting around as she looked for some where to vomit. She heard someone beckoning her right before she got to the parlor and gagged slightly, wrapping an arm around her middle. Clara turned to see Mr. Harper. "Lady Clara!" She rushed past him, out the door and doubled over in the grass, feeling the full effects of 'morning' sickness. Mr. Harper, caught off guard, walked over to her slowly and rubbed her back. After a few minutes of throwing up and dry heaving, she caught her breath. "My...sincerest....apologies to you....was there...something you needed?" Clara looked at Mr. Harper, wiping her mouth. Mr. Harper nodded. "I wanted to let you know if you need me, I'll be near the stables." He took Clara's hand and kissed it. "Ah...yes. Thank you."

Clara bit her lip, taking her hand away. After she got back in, she began to drift through the area, being stopped by Mr. Chambers. "Lady Clara, may God rest your father's soul and bless yours." He squeezed her hand reassuringly, a lingering sadness in the air. "You look...sickly. Are you-" Clara took her hand away, nodding. "I'm quite alright, thank you." A moment of silence passed before Mr. Chambers let out a weary sigh. "The earl was one of the first people to guide me through this society... I'm forever indebted to him." He stared down at his glass of wine, seemingly holding back tears. Clara lifted her head at that and tilted her head slightly. "I...didn't know you were close." She placed a comforting hand on his shoulder. Mr. Chambers nodded, looking up. "He made it easy for people to get close to him. A quality I greatly admire...and that I see in you." They shared a look of mourning, then Clara took her hand away. Mr. Chambers took the hint, unlike another male suitor, and said, "Excuse me, my lady, I will leave you to your guests now."

Clara stayed where she was for a moment, spacing out. She snapped out of it after a moment, slowly looking around the room. She saw Annabelle frowning at Miss Sutton and Miss Bowman, and like the poor soul in need of comfort she was, began to walk over. She stopped walking once she reached Annabelle's side, relaxing. Annabelle huffed, looking accusingly between Miss Sutton and Miss Bowman, who's eyes were glued to Clara. She then whispered to Miss Sutton, "She looks so sick...and tired..." She sneered in disgust. Miss Sutton, one of Clara's good friends, crossed her arms. "Her mother and father have both died recently. I think it's only normal." Annabelle, Clara's sweet, amazing Annabelle, walked in front of Clara, nodding. "Miss Bowman,I can't _believe_ you!"

Clara's chest hurt. Would anything she did ever be enough? She furrowed her brows and made a worried look, stepping out from behind Annabelle. "You...are you _gossiping_ about my appearance at my own father's funeral?" Miss Sutton turned, completely forgetting about Miss Bowman. "Oh, _Lady Clara_..." She threw her arms around Clara, which got a look of jealousy from Annabelle. "I'm so, _so_ sorry, you must be _so_ sad!" She tightened her grip on her. "Clara looked up and blinked, taking in a deep, shivering breath before wincing. "Yes...Miss Sutton, I am....quite sad..." Clara said, patting Miss Sutton's back for a couple of minutes before she let her free of her tight embrace. "Would hearing the latest news about Miss Holloway's sister cheer you up?" Miss Sutton smiled brightly, offering her hand.  
  


Annabelle, rather fed up with all the gossiping and how close she'd gotten to Clara, huffed. "I will not allow you to turn this day into a gossiping event. It's shameful." Miss Sutton and Miss Bowman, stunned into silence by Annabelle snapping, shut their mouths. Annabelle sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose. "I can't be apart of all this chattering and eyeing each other." She mumbled, then lowered her hands, taking Clara's and squeezing them gently. "Escape with me later if you wish... I'd love to show you my favorite room at Edgewater. It always lifts my spirits." She reached up and tucked a hair behind Clara's ear. Clara sniffed, then nodded, gently taking her hand away, giving it a gentle squeeze before letting go.

Clara didn't feel like doing much else, but the least she could do was go and talk to her brother. He was her father's son just as much as she was his daughter. She knew that he was probably just as sad, if not more, as her. She slowly walked over to Mr. Marlcaster, a sympathetic look on her face. "Mr. Marlcaster...how are you feeling? I don't think I realized how much you cared for him..." Mr. Marlcaster looked up, then sighed deeply, spilling some of his scotch. "He was the only father I ever truly knew..." Clara bit her lip, holding herself, rubbing her arms. "We...we share that you know." Mr. Marlcaster looked back out the window, his shoulders falling. "This means I've lost _two_ fathers..." It took Clara a moment, but she fought back tears and nodded. "I...never stopped to think about that."

Mr. Marlcaster shrugged, looking back down at his shot glass of scotch. "It's fine. No-one ever does." Clara felt awful, then took a shivering breath. "I'm sorry for your loss... _both_ of your losses." Mr. Marlcaster stopped swirling his scotch and looked at the ground. "I'm sorry...for your loss too." Clara, no longer able to resist, threw her arms around Mr. Marlcaster and hugged him tightly. He tensed, but eventually gave in and returned her embrace. She gave him a squeeze before she let go. "I'm around if you need me." She spoke softly, to hide the pain in her voice.

Mr. Marlcaster nodded, then stood up, finishing his shot. "I'll try my best for you as well... but first, I need more scotch." He brushed past her, Clara slowly turning, her eyes following him out of the room. Once he left, her eyes lingered on the door before they glanced around the room. People were either watching her or clutching their hearts, near tears. Clara looked for someone else to talk to, but the whispering of her name and the sorrowful looks she got was just too much. She quickly left the room, wiping her eyes. She looked down at her middle was she left and placed her hand on it. "I'm just...sorry you'll never get to meet your grandparents..." She whispered, shaking ever so slightly. She just wanted to be comforted. Who better than Annabelle?


	4. My apologies! (A/N)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> About the lack of updates.

Hello everyone! My sincerest apologies for not updating in quite a bit! I was visiting family, one of my cousins was having a biopsy, so I was trying to cram in a bunch of time with him. I should have up around three or four chapters, hopefully, around the end of the next two weeks! Have a fantastical rest of your day, thank you for reading so far!


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